My cat is trying to kill me...

Recently while using google for god knows what, I came across a page on how to tell if your cat is trying to kill you. Yes, you read that right, trying to kill you, and as I thought it was good, I thought I would throw it on here...

How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you by Matthew Inman


It was a look at what cats usually do on a day to day basis and how this contributes to them plotting to kill you. I thought it was quite funny...

So, when I look at all of the things Chewi does, it makes me wonder.While she doesn't knead on me, she has a habit of walking up and down me, or over the top of me during the night. Sometimes she stops and sits down, while staring at me. Maybe this is a sign that she has found an epic weak spot and is contemplating her next move! This would also contribute to the staring contests she puts on while sitting usually in high places with eyes that look like two little slits in her face. The bringing of pressies and throwing up grass doesn't happen with Chewi as she doesn't go outside on her own. However if she did, I doubt any would occur as she is lazier than your average cat and is a very fussy eater, putting the grass out the window! Therefore, there is a lot more shovelling of kitty litter, which I have to brush up from all over the room....does this mean I am helping her dig my grave :o.... Hiding in random places is a Chewi special, from which she usually jumps out landing on an unsuspecting passer by's leg! Its not really 'hiding' either as her ass, tail or ears is usually stickin out from somewhere! I have already mentioned what she does while I am lying down, or asleep and rudely awakened by her, but Chewi usually konks out beside me and sleeps there until she is woke. She does like to sit right in front of the computer screen while it is being used and again, do a bit of staring...as for the sprinting out of the room, this happens all the time, and it is more of a bolt instead of a sprint, so there are many failed ambushes in Chewi's case. This also leads to a session of darting at high speed from room to room while I just..watch. So either she is confused or is pretty useless at trying to ambush anyone.

So after taking all of this into consideration and knowing that my cat can be pretty lazy, I reckon I am quite safe and that this particular cat is not plotting to kill me just now. Either that or she is just not making a very good job of it. Anyway, I will love her until she succeeds, but I loved the How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you webpage! Great job :D